Tomorrow, the queens speak.
my gender is VAST and COSMIC and NEBULOUS and UNCHARTED and you expect me to check “m” or “f” ???
"19% of prime time television characters are non-human while only 17% are women"
A Profile of Americans’ Media Use and Political Socialization Effects: television and the Internet’s relationship to social connectedness in the USA ― Daniel German & Caitlin Lally
There are more “non-humans” on TV than women. Talk about unequal gender representation in the media.
Is it wrong if I want to be considered a boy but still have she/her pronouns?
Hey asker! Wanting to use the pronouns you’re most comfortable with isn’t “wrong,” ever, regardless of how you identify. (There’s really no way to do personal identity “wrong,” unless you identify as “person who stabs pedestrians” or something.)
So long as she/her pronouns work for you — affirm you, feel correct when directed at you, maybe turn you on a little, who knows — then that’s great. If those seem to conflict with your male gender presentation or identity, that’s also totally fine. You don’t owe anyone congruity. Use what words are right for you.
Two additional notes:
1. You are allowed to change your mind. If she/her works for you right now and doesn’t next month, next year, or twenty years in the future, that’s cool! Change ‘em! Words like pronouns are too commonly used to exist as daily thorns in your side. If you don’t like the ones people are using for you, change ‘em. Yes, even if you’ve changed them before. There’s no limit or quota to the alterations you can make to be most comfortable in who you are and how others refer to you.
2. Make sure you’re using the pronouns that work best for you, not best for~~the world~~. Presenting and/or identifying as a guy and using she/her pronouns is totally valid, and totally awesome. If that works for you and that’s the end of your inquiry, then read no further.
I don’t know any more about your identity than you’ve offered, but I do know the feeling of identifying as something besides what I was assigned at birth. The internal process of sorting out you gender identity with yourself can move at a very different rate than the external process of sorting out your gender identity with other people.
Changing pronouns can be a big, scary external step, and can be one of the first actions gender non-conforming people take that identifies them as GNC to those who know them. It’s a big ol’ gender-y red flag. Which is enough for some people to not change their pronouns — not being ready to out themselves like that. Which is also completely valid. (Obviously, personal survival is priority #1.) It’s important to be mindful of why you’re opting for the pronouns you’re using — because you’re used to them, because that’s how people know you, because nothing-quite-fits-but-these-are-closest, because they fit like a glove, because fuck it I’m gonna spin the wheel-o-pronouns and go with whatever comes up first, et cetera. That knowledge may or may not influence your decision on which words to self-ascribe, but is at least useful to have for yourself.
And again, no configuration of pronoun-to-identity is “wrong.” You do you, friend.
Reblogging our own ask to quickly add that I’ve personally known folks who identify this way — use she/her pronouns and opt for a male or masculine identity and presentation. It’s a thing people do! You’re not alone, anon.
More from poet-wonder Timothy DuWhite:Joy RevisitedDuring a discussion about existentialismour professor explains to us that all true intellectualsmust understand that meaning will always be subjective.It is simply a matter of who wins the majority vote.For example, this is only a handbecause enough mouths have spoke it into existence.So, a while back I decidedI’ll try to be my own self-determining agent of authenticity.So this is not a hand.No, this is a hubalu.I occasionally pick shit up with it.Here, pass me the ballWatch me catch it with my hubalus.This,is meaning,for me.It is mine.I made it.I am not asking you for yours.Yet, what does it matter without a majorities approval?For the last few years I’ve been trying to define my own meaning for Joy.The dictionary says that Joy is a state of happiness or felicity.Yet, that always felt so limiting.If Joy truly only shows up when I am happy;Then it does not deserve meNo,I want my meaning for Joy to be bigger than that.The day I was diagnosed H.I.V positiveI showered my body in this worlds definition of sorrow.I didn’t speak of joy for monthsMy family and friends would not allow it.I was supposed to be sad.Every mouth around me spoke it into existence."Tim you are only 21.Tim you have only loved once.Tim you must truly hate him.”But see today I am 23.Just as alive as before only difference is now a college graduatewith enough intellect to understandthat meaningis always subjective.So I’ll tell you what Joy is.It is a year and a half later after my diagnosis.It is me calling my ex,calling my first love,and telling him,that I forgive himfor everything.Joy is me unblocking his phone number.Me listening to how his year has been;The struggles he has been forced to go through.Joy is me no longer being afraid to admitthat I still love the man that gave me a terminal illness.And though the majority of you may not approve of this,that is okay,because this is Joy for me.It is mine.I made it.I made it.I made it.I am not asking you for yours.